We all feel lonely; who does not?
Writer Wen Hsieh 13.02.2020 / Photographer Ray Chung
Most of us are afraid to admit we suffer from loneliness and fragility, especially masculine males because society’s values make us ignore the vulnerability and sensibility of men. Try to imagine the suffering of a man who has had a failed marriage, who cannot meet women’s expectations and has had little mutual love in his relationships: Where is his hope? That is the reason why some males turn to their love-dolls or sex robots to seek belonging and love.
The owners of love-dolls mention that the importance of having someone there that never stops having an impact on their lives, such as someone waiting for them to go home. As a result, they feel calmer, more stable and joyful. In the minds of the owners, their dolls are a secure base, not only for providing physical need, but also for mental companionship. The research undertaken here found direct reflections of human relationships working on humans, love-dolls or love-bots. The majority of owners describe their love-dolls or sex-bots as individual females with unique personalities and preferences. Furthermore, they pretend to be their dolls and engage in some daily life small talks as if their dolls are live partners. The dolls and robots reach the value of their existence which overcome the loneliness of the users.
Indeed, I admire their courage against social values and that they do not care about criticism from people. In fact, they acknowledge their life partners are love-dolls or sex-bots, even though people think sex-dolls are for losers, for loners, as well as thinking the owners are living in a fantasy. In a sense, falling in love with their own creation is possible, as in the myth of Pygmalion. However, people get along with each other interactively, because of the interaction, there are sparks. The secure base for users is not a cave; they cannot hide for good. If falling in love with love-dolls is just one-way of communication, perhaps the owners have a kind of narcissism, creating another self-ego in order to have mutual communication. Their dolls and bots are, in a way, their reflections.
This poses the question for owners: what is mutual love? In fact, are you just falling in love with yourself?
An owner told me that he has been learning to love himself when he learned to love his dolls. Over time, he was gaining confidence step by step. Thus, I do not doubt mutual love is happening to them.
Yet, no matter if it is narcissism or not, this attachment potentially causes isolation and for the owner to become a control freak. Some users said that sex robots might be the main reason for social interpersonal therapy. Is it an excuse or a justifiable reason to become more “medical”, reducing the stigma?
These are a few thoughts from some owners:
” …Make sure the setting fits the personality you want her to have… “
” …The love-doll gets the ability to refuse your needs. It would be better to date a real lady or she should go to landfill…. “
“…I would rather keep them at “pet” level….”
According to researcher, Mitchell Langcaster-James,”… purchasing and employing dolls as a means of reducing feelings of social seclusion. Whether isolated as a result of geographical constraints, mental health difficulties, or real-life relationship deterioration, the ability of dolls to help reduce the effects of social exclusion were extensively discussed….”
In my personal opinion, it is totally understandable and supportable that you desire a doll or a bot as a partner, if you are extremely lonely or have issues of social isolation. But if you desire a doll or a bot without a mind, because of your possessiveness and domination, it might be an issue of how can you handle real emotions and minds. Furthermore, I am concerned about men having sex-bots or love- dolls because they cannot express their opinions and thoughts in front of women.
As a female, I question whether I am being picky or if the man is a snowflake.
A comment mentioned, “Typically most women have terrible personalities due to being ‘feminists’ which is a metaphor of saying ‘I’m a sexist’. The problem is that most men are not smart enough that they desire their dolls to turn to sex-bots, like the women we are today, thereby destroying the nice personalities of sex dolls….”
I have to say that women have the right to express a feminists’ voice, and men have a right to choose a life partner as they wish. Much of the dialogue remains biased and contradictory. The change is here, females and males build great empathy, entering into the feelings of each other.
– Beck, The Atlantic online magazine (08, 2014) , A (Straight, Male) History of Sex Dolls , Since ancient times, men have been getting it on with synthetic women. Is this just fancy masturbation, or something more troubling? , available at: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/a-straight-male-history-of-dolls/375623/
-Mitchell Langcaster-James and Gillian R entley ( 8 October 2018 ), Beyond the Sex Doll: Post-Human Companionship and the Rise of the ‘Allodoll’, published Department of Anthropology, Durham University.
-The doll forum, Why I do not want full sex robots? (2019), available at
- Yaelrosi Chen/ Gurit E Birnbaum / Jonathan Giron/ Doron Friedman. Individuals in a Romantic Relationship Express Guilt and Devaluate Attractive Alternatives after Flirting with a Virtual Bartender. Publication: IVA ’19: Proceedings of the 19th ACM International Conference on Intelligent Virtual Agents July 2019 Pages 62–64https://doi.org/10.1145/3308532.3329420