If you google about How to write good script ? The google search jump up many information. I read through some, the knack is nothing more than a basic template for writing skills, having people read it and so on…I think the best way to learn how to write a script is writing one and filming one by my own, as Thomas Fuller said that travels much knows much.

There were several interventions on script creation. for example, I was often questioned about ” the Climax of the story “, which means what is your cohesion of the story and how can you touch audiences’ hearts and so on.

The feedback from screen writer in Taiwan, keyak, have been working in film industry over two decades.

-I like the concept you wrote: “to implant human consciousness into artificial intelligence through data systems.”. But I can’t understand the part of sexbot’s plot, so I can’t see the concept from the plot or script

-At the beginning, a young man asked a doctor to save a 50 year old woman, and at the end, a 50 year old woman went to a doctor to save a 30-year-old man. I can’t understand their relationship. Is there any artificial intelligence between them? Or both?

-We will look forward to the plot generated by the concept of “implanting human consciousness into artificial intelligence through data systems”. However, the stories now seem to have only abstract implantable images. However, there are no antecedents, conflicts, consequences, and the growth of the protagonists, so it will be a bit empty after reading. But because I’ve learned the concept of Screenwriting for long films, if it’s a short film dominated by vision, maybe you can omit the screenwriter axis I said, but you can think about finding your film’s core purpose in one sentence, and then check whether your plot can fit your shooting purpose!

– .蠻喜歡你寫的概念:「藉由數據系統,把人類意識植入到人工智慧裡」。但有點看不太懂sexbot劇情的部分,就也沒有從劇情或劇本裡看出來這個概念~
– 開頭是年輕男子請醫生救50歲的老女人,結尾是50歲老女人求醫師救30歲的年輕男子;有點看不懂他們的關係,兩人之中有誰是人工智慧嗎?或是兩人都是呢?
– 會期待「藉由數據系統把人類意識植入到人工智慧裡」這個概念而產生的劇情,但現在看起來的故事都只有抽象的植入表象,但故事沒有前因、衝突、後果、主角的成長等等軸線,看完會有點空虛感。但因為我學的都是長片的編劇概念,所以如果是以視覺為主導的短片,或許也可以省略我說的編劇軸線,但妳可以思考一下用一句話找到你的影片核心目的,然後檢查妳的劇情是否可以契合妳的拍攝目的!

The feedback from a user of doll, from US.

Here are my thoughts on the script. I enjoyed it and it is a fascinating story. However, there are a few things that could be re-written or words moved around.

– Slide 1
3rd Paragraph – “…track and trace people’s moments.” what do you mean by “moments”? Do you mean “movements”, “memories”, “daily lives”?

“Personal Data” you use this phrase a few times. When I think about personal data I think of credit card information, contact information, information about where you went to school etc. But at the end of the video it seems like “personal data” is used to describe someone’s entire conciousness and memories. Maybe you should clarify this.

5th paragraph – this one is a bit difficult to follow. Consider rewriting “If you have a power as God, what are you going to do?” not clear. Perhaps “If you could play God, what would you do?”

-Slide 8
The dialouge could be clearer. I would consider the first line to be a single sentence and be phrased as a question.

-Slide 15
When the doctor mentions “husband’s data” I think “consiousness” or “memories” make more sense.

 

 

Here I would like to define what is data.

what is data ?
” The data came neatly formed, drawn from numbers or check boxes on questionnaires. This is no longer the case….In this new age, the messy traced we leave as we go through life are becoming the primary source of data. As we’ve already seen, words are data, Clicks are data…Everything is data. ” _____________Stephens-Davidowitz,( 2017 )

What is personal data?
– The GDPR applies to the processing of personal data that is:
wholly or partly by automated means; or the processing other than by automated means of personal data which forms part of, or is intended to form part of, a filing system.
– Personal data only includes information relating to natural persons who:
can be identified or who are identifiable, directly from the information in question; or who can be indirectly identified from that information in combination with other information.
– Personal data may also include special categories of personal data or criminal conviction and offences data. These are considered to be more sensitive and you may only process them in more limited circumstances.
– Pseudonymised data can help reduce privacy risks by making it more difficult to identify individuals, but it is still personal data.
– If personal data can be truly anonymised then the anonymised data is not subject to the GDPR. It is important to understand what personal data is in order to understand if the data has been anonymised.
– Information about a deceased person does not constitute personal data and therefore is not subject to the GDPR.
– Information about companies or public authorities is not personal data.
However, information about individuals acting as sole traders, employees, partners and company directors where they are individually identifiable and the information relates to them as an individual may constitute personal data. ———-Information Commissioner’s Office ”

My reflection here, I am a stylist and an art director, so through this intervention, I realised just presenting by images is not clear enough, I should more clearly write down all details and all emotions. Words are better communication.  Plus, I was deeply re-thinking about what is the Climax of the story and felt my researches not strong enough. I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IS THE THEMEM OF THE FILM. If I can not use a sentence to explain my film, which means that I might not clear enough for the core of the film. 

 

 

 

 

 

Bibliography:

– Blake Snyder (25 May 2005) Save the Cat!: The Last Book on Screenwriting That You’ll Ever Need Publisher : Michael Wiese Productions; Illustrated edition. ASIN : B00340ESIS

– Stephens-Davidowitz,( 2017 ) Everybody lies : what the internet can tell us about who we really are. Publisher: London, England : Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017.ISBN: 9781408894712; 1408894718; 9781408894705; 140889470X. (p 97- p103)

– Information Commissioner’s Office.
What is personal data?
https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-data-protection/guide-to-the-general-data-protection-regulation-gdpr/key-definitions/what-is-personal-data/

 

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